back in a world of peace, quiet, still and calm. of late afternoon yoga sessions on my hardwood floor. of sunset visits to water the gardens and to snip flowers and herbs, reveling in how quickly my tiny plants have grown and adapted to their surroundings; today yielded this season's first crookneck squash and my basil got big enough in the greenhouse to be transplanted outside (i am envisioning it now, outside and exposed to the elements for the first time ever, snuggled beneath the mulch to keep warm...i am hoping some vicious slug or curious bird doesn't harm it!). back in the world of neighbors chatting in the hallway, of muffled sounds from the city streaming in through my window. of dim but cozy lighting, flickering candles and a squeaky bed.

it's somewhat daunting to think that in less than two weeks, i won't have this home base; this apartment has been so wonderful for me for over eight years. i am going to miss it terribly, and am curious to see how my life subtly shifts without the association to this place, as i've only ever lived here while in oakland.

when i moved here in 2003, i was working full time at a biotech company in palo alto, and i was dating aaron, who lived a couple blocks away at 29th and harrison. i was a very different person back then, comfortably wrapped up in the security of a good paying job, but yearning deeply to get closer to my true self. i didn't feel that i fit into my own skin all that well at that time; i was doing a lot of squirming. this little place saw me through the crazy months when i was working full time and going to baking and pastry school; it saw me through two very painful heartbreaks and even more disappointments, but it also saw me through the healing from those. it waited vacantly while i took my first dabbling steps into farming and was my sanctuary when i switched professional gears and started spending my days teaching elementary school gardening and nutrition. it was my only stability at many times; the only thing that remained constant. the meals and baked goods created here in this tiny kitchen were incredible; i ran a business out of my oven and hosted dinner parties with hardwood-floor seating and mason jar wine glasses.

i never completed this entry...