thank god it's friday. except that tomorrow i actually have to be awake hours before i even open my eyes on any weekday. but it's so worth it.

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we're making baked meringues this weekend. and wrapping a cake in white chocolate modeling clay. and making rugelach. and baking some sort of complicated bread, i imagine. holy moses! i love baking.

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sunday is halloween. and i don't have a costume. no need, really. turns out i'm not doing a damn thing to celebrate the holiday which always seems to happen. whatEVAH. i figure this weekend will be replete with cooking and baking and hiking and figuring out what bills are past due.

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i sometimes wonder if i'll ever have more than fleeting connections with people. it seems that everyone and everything i grow to care about inevitably flies away. i used to be able to handle that and justify it, but dammit. i am getting tired of this. perhaps i should rethink this free electron stuff. maybe it's better to be more stable and accepting rather than instable and offering. as if i can make that decision. i cannot. i'm a freaking aquarius. and i should revel. should.

it's 12:22 am on thursday. i got home an hour ago from baking school. and i have to get up in six hours to pack for yosemite and then go to work. and then shop for the trip. and then work. and then leave for the park. and then fucking relax in nature for a few days.

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it has been a whirlwind few weeks, my non-existent blog groupies. i will refrain from sharing matters of the heart here, but i state demurely that my heart has been quite happy.

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i've started baking school part time after work and on the weekends; i've gone to reggae concerts; i've gone to gypsy swing shows; i've gone to many bars; i've gone to the opera; i've eaten in many wonderful restaurants; i've started biking more; i've made my own tamales! i've also gotten little sleep, become quite ill and finally passed out cold on the floor of the animal facility a couple days ago at work. sheesh.

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i'm enjoying the randomness of my life right now, but i feel like i don't have the time for this kind of behavior anymore, really. i have to focus. and i want to focus. i don't know.

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an aside. i struggle to understand why good intentions backfire on me so often. hmm. so tired. must sleep...