monday morning. and i'm tired. i'll reminisce. this weekend started off poor, but ended up rather amusing. i spent time with friends, downed some beers, ate some herbaceous cookies and rode around oakland on my bike quite a bit. i enjoy the simplicity of weekends like this, but at the same time, i feel that i'm getting too big for my britches living this kind of life. i see it in aaron's eyes, too, the need to advance...but i am not certain that we'll both take the same route of moving on. i'd like to think about moving ahead with him, but i have my doubts as to how realistic that is. we've always been more in love with what we could be than what we truly are. but in any case i will always cherish these times. but i'm more than ready for the next adventure.

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as an aside, i made the most delicious vegan french toast this weekend...rice milk, cornstarch, garbanzo flour and italian bread. mm-mm-mMM!! topped with caramelized banana slices and fresh strawberries. dee-licious, yet again.

*later that day*

currently proofing some vegan sweet dough to make red bean buns. my apartment smells of yeast...that pungent, doughy smell full of promise...delightful.

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tonight the winds of change unexpectedly started gusting again...i'd felt their breeze for months, maybe years...but they just gained a whole lot of strength. i found out that aaron may leave to teach english in china for a year in a few months. i know that an international experience would be an amazing step for him; he has longed for such an adventure for as long as i've known him. i always tried to get him to take that journey with me, but there was always a reason not to: work, school, lack of money, etc. but now, he's free, and he should go! i've been planning to move out of this tiny apartment, but now i'm worried that with my foundation crumbling in a pretty significant way, i will not be able to gather the energy to sink my teeth in deeper out here when i may just want to start fresh somewhere else, somewhere without all the memories.

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i know that i will create a new life here or somewhere else without him...it will be difficult at the outset, but i will do it. my gut has long told me that i should do that anyhow, and i look forward to it, really. in the end, i just want him to love life. regardless of whatever happens, he will always occupy a place in my mind and hold a piece of my heart. i know that he needs to experience more than this 40-mile radius of work and play that he has occupied for so long...he needs to experience the world. maybe we'll cross paths again, but even if we don't, i know i'll be okay; i've got my own amazing journey ahead.

i did, in fact use the sweet red onions in homemade veggie burgers. along with mushrooms, carrots, soy sauce, peanut butter, liquid smoke, texturized vegetable protein (TVP), tomato paste, vegetable broth and oat flour. mmm, mmm, good! they ended up more like sloppy garden burgers, but they were dee-licious! i swear that vegan with a vengeance is the best cookbook i have ever owned.

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i shaved the asparagus and tossed it with meyer lemon juice, olive oil, sea salt and pepper and created a beautiful salad.

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i used the strawberries to make one of the most delicious quick breads i have ever made. along with turbinado sugar, flour, soda, cinnamon, egg replacer, unsweetened applesauce, canola oil and walnuts, i chopped up the basket of long-stemmed berries and baked at 350 for an hour...oh man. i ate nearly half the loaf last night!

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i also made a tofu scramble, and aaron made some moroccan-spiced potatoes and beets and tomatoes and celery...holy bejeesus. they were amazing. and he also made some yellow rice.

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we are set for the week with delicious and healthy food, and we christened his kitchen with the preparation of a local and vegan feast. **that's** what i call a weekend!