a woodcut of john muir in the sierras, reproduced as a postcard, above my desk. he sits with his journal open, his hat and small satchel sitting beside him. his left leg is bent and his arm holding pen rests on his knee. he gazes outward. still a young man in this image, focused and intent.

how i wish i were in those very mountains right now, letting the wind drift across my face, the expansiveness of the space energize my body and calm my mind.

at this moment, anticipating my departure from the shore of the known to ride the waves of chance, my current desire and need is to be utterly alone. i'm breaking plans left and right, hoping against hope that my friends understand this is one of those phases when i retreat deeply into my own world for a costume change that requires skilled loosening of intricate ties and shedding of decorations worn for some time now.

to accompany this moment, a nervous tension in my belly. as it always goes in times of stress. but this time, instead of ignoring it and trying to live animatedly despite it, i'm slowing down...very slow. very, very slow. breathing. reading. quelling the fears. and welcoming in the adventure...