my bags are packed. with my sleeping bag, sleeping pad, a borrowed tent. a tiny stove, a tiny cutting board. fruit, nuts, instant coffee. my journal, a few choice addresses, a couple stamps and at least five different colored thin-tip sharpies. words by nin, miller, neruda and baudelaire. my cameras. my ipod. and my moonstone.

in the flurry of activity and emotion this weekend, i scarcely have digested the fact that i'm now gainfully unemployed. i feel as though the person who worked hours behind the car wheel, with the phone glued to her ear, her fingers diligently tapping away at the keyboard in a windowless office...the entity that inhabited this body and did that for nearly one year...has made a quick exit.

in her place, a yet-to-be defined entity. someone hungry for life. and connection. and meaning. and purpose. and creation. someone who well knows the ways of that previous entity...but who is bored by her tendencies to hesitate and retreat. this new entity, digging in to life, making herself seen...emergence, evolution...

the desire rising for companionship, again, but it comes...and goes. observing attractions and frustrations without attaching to them. riding the waves and energies. syncopation. dissonance. beautiful noise.