a 1951 copy of ellen tebbits by beverly clearly sits on my nightstand next to me, tattered and worn, the pages thin. on the cover, a perturbed and precocious young girl wearing her ballet shoes and tutu, standing in the perfect third ballet position, her arms above her head and her toes turned outward...next to her, grinning from ear to ear, a mischievous young boy with spurs on his shoes, a cowboy's handkerchief around his neck and holsters with toy guns on each hip. 

on the back cover, it says "I'm Ellen Tebbits, and goodness, the trouble I get into."

i found the old book a couple of weeks ago at my favorite creative reuse thrift store. when i saw the book, it immediately sparked a memory of my treasured friend thea reading to me from the book anastasia krupnik by lois lowry, an author who, along with cleary, defined my middle to late elementary school years. 

thea brought the book with us this spring on an evening trip to sonoma. at the time, i was in an undertow of sadness. my mom had sent me a heartfelt letter with a few bills tucked inside and instructions to take a good friend out for a special dinner. i'd been spending my workdays driving around the vineyards of sonoma from school to school and desperately wanted to spend some time enjoying the fermenting fruits of the county. i immediately thought of 'the girl and the fig' on the sonoma square. i'd been there several times before, but felt pulled to the space again, and wanted to share its magic with thea.

so that early march night, we drove north as the sun was setting, thea in the passenger seat leafing through anastasia krupnik, and me in the driver's seat, trying to envelop myself in the safe gratitude i was feeling for having a friend who consoled my heart by reading to me.

the meal that night was magical. back patio, delicious wine, delectable foods, sparkling white lights suspended across the courtyard,squealing over the offerings on the cheese platter, relishing our rich entrees and finding just a little bit more room for the profiteroles in bittersweet chocolate sauce at the end, sharing our jubilance and worry, sustaining ourselves with the knowledge that would always have each other, no matter what anguishes might come our way.

in the two and a half years that i've known thea, we've been all over the emotional map with each other, supporting each other in circumstances from the most painful to the most joyful; we've loved each other and irritated each other to no end; we've spent countless hours in kitchens preparing meals for gracious guests; we've spewed more sarcastic comments back and forth than i could ever account for...i can easily say, without doubt, that i love thea...and i hope that we will continue to grow together as friends...i can't quite imagine a world without her anymore.

the sentimentality is coming in strong now because thea, along with several other dear friends, is leaving the Bay for a new home...while she'll only be an hour or so away, other friends are going the distance...and i'm taking stock of what powerful friendships i have here in this place right now. and these friendships are not to be taken lightly in any sense; these friendships, these connections, have saved me...have given me hope when all hope felt lost...given me love when i felt most alone...these friendships have pulled me up when i was simmering near rock bottom...and i feel such gratitude that i was able to open my heart to these people, these experiences...i will hold them dear, always.