i've spent a good part of this last week in my apartment. pulling things off the walls. painting over my bathroom mural with two fresh coats of white paint, musing about what i'll put on my new blank canvas. rummaging through drawers and the recesses of my closet and getting rid of things i've held onto for too long: articles i meant to read but never will, folded-up and well-worn photographs of old loves, dried flowers that were turning to dust...all the while, the air heavied with melancholy and raindrops streaming down the windows. inside my heart, a sadness, a loneliness, a little fear...mixed with anticipation and incurable hope. another cycle of change and upheaval has hit. these storms gust in so quickly, and they rearrange so forcefully. within these four walls, i've been letting go of the old to make room for the new while outside, the old and familiar have been fading, too.

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in turn with these feelings, my oldest friend in california is moving to italy in five days. although we've drifted apart in the past couple years, the memories of side-splitting laughter sessions, easter egg dying parties, spaghetti dinners at emmy's shack, punk rock sushi on rainy san francisco nights, and cat-sitting in the richmond hills are all washing over me. every now and again, we make friends who deeply impact our souls...friends who, even when they're gone, are woven into the fabric of our being...and in that fabric, betsy will forever be a strand of pink, sparkly yarn...colorful and unexpected.

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but the ebb and flow, and these departures make us each more open to new arrivals...