it's been over a year since i wrote in this BLOG. in fact, i forgot i even had one. but, alas, i *do* have one. and who am i to miss an opportunity to effuse onto the vast continuum of cyberspace my innermost thoughts and feelings?

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so i'm still habitating my own small corner of oakland. i am toying with leaving my sanctuary of personal liberty and submerging myself in a pulsating and vivacious cooperative living situation. i'd have to start wearing clothing at home again unless i met other free spirits. i'd probably feel too embarrassed to continue eating as much ice cream as i do. and i may even have to start taking some...what do they call it?...responsibility for some things. but it's come time. i am one quarter of a century old now and not getting any younger. i must grow up. but that may not happen. we shall see how the world turns.

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to provide a little transition...i quit my stifling job in the south bay last year. i couldn't take the repetition or the dullness or the complete lack of inspiration, creativity and connectedness.  on top of it all, the commute was ridiculous. so i did the big quit and i spent six months as a student-at-large taking classes in anthropology, sociology, communication, wine chemistry, etc. at Cal State East Bay and Stanford. it was awesome. no J.O.B., just time spent studying and learning. but then I started getting the bills and had to quit my life of intellectualism and return reluctantly to the working world. and so here we are.

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in exciting news...in less than 25 days now i commence baking and pastry school. part time. after work. for 16 hours per week. in san francisco by pier 39. i am so fucking excited i can't contain it. yeeHAW!!!!!

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i will continue to work at my tiny biotech startup in the east bay at my desk that kinda sorta overlooks the golden gate bridge. listening to the meat puppets as i pipette dna into tiny centrifuge tubes, drinking beer on fridays on the patio. organizing staff parties and playing practical jokes on my superiors and selling my blood for cold hard cash. not bad, i say.

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i'm finally feeling like california is home. after three years. this is where i want to be. weekends at 13,000 feet in yosemite national park. or in lake tahoe hostels cleaning the latrines. or hiking through towering trees in big sur. or playing with an all grrrrls softball team in a dicey part of berkeley. or reading gabriel garcia marquez on the shore of the pacific. or sipping cranberry and vodkas at hip bars in the city. or driving through the fog at 3 am in twin peaks. or deciding between eritrean, vietnamese, indian, mediterranean, mexican, tibetan, polynesian, african, fusion, chinese, japanese, thai, burmese and good ole american for dinner on any given night. god. i love california.

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the past few months were tumultuous but i've come out of them a more experienced (although somewhat jaded) person with a stronger-than-i've-ever-felt-out-here sense of community. i understand that i may never achieve solidarity. but i finally feel closer. and it feels good.

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lastly, i've realized that certain things i am looking for are never to be found. and that i best start appreciating what is rather than lamenting what is not.